I had an epiphany last night. I realized that...I need someone for the next two years. I need to have someone...who'll hug me, and tell me it'll be okay when my mom and her bf argue. I need someone who'll call me. Someone who'll...make me feel flustered when they tell me they thought about me randomly in class.

I need this person.

I...don't have anyone who'll be that. I had that someone, and I feel horrible that I miss them like this because I need to 'use' them. They deserve better. But I don't have anyone else. I can't use my friends for just a hug. I feel...not completely comfortable with that.

There's no one at my school that would go out with me. There are a few Bi people, but most are either younger than me, both by physically and mentally, or just horrible people. I have one friend who 'could' be this person for me but they have their own problems. They're worse than mine. I can't deal with that. It wouldn't work.

I really need this spot filled. If I had an older sibling it would do, but I don't. I wish I had an older brother so bad, but I don't.

I need someone to hug. Not someone who'll *hug* me over the internet.

I just need someone for two years just to hug me and tell me it's alright at two in the fucking morning because my quote unquote parentals are arguing and I can't sleep. I just need someone to fill this for two more years then I can go and live with my grandparents or something.

Why can't I have this person? Or people? It doesn't have to be ONE person for two years. It can be like...five different people over the time frame. I just need someone to fill this void until I can get enough money to go to College.

I feel bad. Maybe I'm just depressed. I dunno.

Ugh and I have to do the fucking science fair thing! UGH! >.<' fuck it. I'll just take the damn chem class again in the summer, I don't give a flying fuck.

|sighs| Maybe I just need to 'get over' NA...? I thought I was over them, maybe I'm not? I'll figure it out later rather than sooner. 'Cause that's how life goes, right?